The Disgruntled Troll.

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To the villagers of Castle Creek.

 

This is a letter of complaint that I wish all of you to read and take under consideration.

Firstly, not once have I ever, and I mean EVER said that I enjoy to drink, sup or sip a Christian man's blood. The last time we met, what I actually said while you were screaming and running away in fear was that if you really need to bring me something to chew on, I enjoy crispy onions and mud. Nothing to do with blood in the slightest. Could you please stop sacrificing your holy men and soaking my bridge in entrails! I spend hours cleaning up your mess, scrubbing the floors and spending time out of my day making things right again. That being said, if anyone knows how to get blood stains from white sheets please email me at GrogThunder-Bottom@Trollnet.com.

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Secondly, and this really is starting to get annoying now, please can someone in the village inform the local farmer that his gate requires a padlock on as soon as possible. Each night I go out for my evening stroll, I find yet another sheep wondering around the top of my bridge. How it chains itself up I do not know?! Regardless of this, I am beginning to get overrun with sheep. I don't mind looking after them till the farmer wants them back, not in the slightest, in fact it's quite nice having them around. But space is definitely an issue. I am still waiting for my planning permission to come back from the council regarding my sheep pen proposal, but as yet have heard little.

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Finally, I want everyone to know that I am a good, decent troll. I spent three years at Hedge Hill University studying home economics and law, and I know my rights! I have a degree in construction and am a qualified structural engineer. So if I find the changes that I have made to my bridge put back to the way they were again, I will be forced to bring someone in. Please do not force my hand!

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I do not want to move again, yet I am getting the impression more and more that I am unwelcome here. So, lastly, I warn you all, the people of Castle Creek, if you carry on messing around I will have no other choice but to move on and take my services elsewhere. Sheep and all!

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Kind regards, Grog Thunder-Bottom.